


Spilling Out

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-12
Updated: 2007-03-12
Packaged: 2019-01-19 10:53:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily finally comes to terms with her feelings and it all spills out.  Pretty basic L/J one-shot.  R/R





	Spilling Out

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

     She felt empty.

     She couldn’t really help it, but every now and then the emptiness would just overwhelm her.  It practically brought her to her knees, wondering what it would be like to feel whole again.  And of course that wondering always brought her thoughts back to him.  Not just him in the vague sense of the word.  Not just him in the seven years she’d known him for.  But him when they were around each other.

     He made her feel complete.  He had made the gnawing hole in her stomach disappear.  She remembered how she felt when she was with him; he made her feel full again.  She loved spending time with him for head duties.  She loved talking to him about nothing and everything.  She loved debating with him over current events.  Hell, she loved spending time with him for anything.  Because, while she’d never admit it out loud, she looked for reasons to talk to him because she was beginning to fall.  She was learning the hard way what so many had learned:  When you fall for James Potter, you fall hard and fast.  And in a time when there wasn’t much to hold onto, she had him.  

    Or at least she used to have him.  She thought he had cared for her as more than friends, but she had been mistaken.  It was just too damn ironic that the year she finally wanted to give him a chance, he didn’t want it anymore.  Now she was the one left reading into every accidental brush of their hands.  Now she was the one wishing he’d just ask her to Hogsmeade one more time so she could do more than daydream about what it would be like.  Now she was the one nonchalantly eyeing him in classes.  And now she was the one left with a could-have-been memory of him.  Memories and a friendship with one sided feelings of something more.  He used to be in love with her, but now he just loved her.  

     Her eyes pricked as she saw him walk by chatting with his last Hogsmeade date.  They were laughing over something.  She put her head down and pretended to dig in her bag for something important.  She prayed her hair had swung over her face enough to make her invisible.

     It didn’t work.

     “Lily!  Hey, Lily!”  He jogged to catch after her and the girl walked on.

     She put on a bright face and looked up.

     “Oh, hey James.”

     “Look, I know we usually have our Heads meetings on Thursdays, but do you mind if we have it tomorrow?  See, I had to move Quidditch around this week and Thursday was the only day that worked for everyone.”

     “Um…yeah, that’s fine.  Tomorrow’s works for me.”

     “Okay, great.  I’ll see you in the library at seven.  Thanks Lil.”

     She smiled and walked off as quickly as she could without running.  He called her ‘Lil.’  She hated it when he called her Lil.  It was bad enough when he stopped using her surname at the beginning of the year, but now he had to go and shorten it.  Her name sounded so good when he said it, and the nickname made it way too personalized.  It made it way too easy for her to hear him say it under different circumstances.  She wished he would look at her like he used to when he said it.

      She was tired of feeling this way.  She wanted to move on, she wanted closure.  She tried to look at other boys, but nobody seemed to match up.  She was sick of feeling this way, she was sick of wondering.  She just wanted to know for sure.  She wanted to move on like he had.

     It was 7:04.  She tapped her quill on the table and looked around the library.  Still no sign of James.  She sighed and took out her Transfiguration homework.  A few minutes, later, James came rushing into the library, out of breath and looking apologetic.

     “Sorry ‘bout that,” he said has he slid into the chair across from her.  “I lost track of time and almost forgot.”

     “Don’t worry about it.”

     They worked in relative quiet for the next half hour, inquiring about a few points here and there.

     “James, I was thinking.”

     “Hmm?”

     “Well, I know you’re really busy with head duties and quidditch and everything and I’ve been busy with tutoring lately, so I was thinking it might just be better if we split the work each week instead of meeting.  Then, we wouldn’t have to worry about finding a good meeting time.

     “What?”

     “It’s nothing personal, James.  We could still hang out every now and then if you wanted to, but this way we wouldn’t have to worry about each other’s busy schedules.”

     “Lily, why are you doing this?”

      “Why am I doing what?”

     “Why are you pushing me away?”

     “What are you talking about?  I’m not pushing you away!”  Lily was starting to get nervous.  Was she really that obvious?

     “Yes you are.  We’re just starting to get close, and it’s not fair for you to do this to me.  Especially when I’ve been wanting this for seven years.”

     There it was.  The perfect hook.  It was do or die; there wouldn’t be a better time to just tell him how she felt.  She bit her lip.

      “Wanting what?”  She inquired.

      His eyes shifted around, looking for some sort of an answer.

      “Wanting to get to know me?” She said, feeling reckless.  “Wanting to befriend me?  Wanting to do more than befriend me?  Because I’ve been wanting more than friendship too, and I’m really sorry I never realized it sooner.  I know you’re over me, and I’m ruining everything right now, so I’m sorry for that too.  I know this is all just sort of unceremoniously spilling out, but I really do like you.  And I keep trying to get over you, as you clearly have with me, but it’s not working.  So I was just thinking maybe a little separation would help-”

     James leaned over the table and found her lips with his own.  Her eyes widened and she made a surprised sound before melting into the kiss.  Several minutes later, they pulled apart, grinning.

     “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear that,” James said, smiling at her.  “Or how long I’ve been waiting to do that.” 

 

Please review, guys.  I'd really appreciate any feedback you have!


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